Turtle Eggs: The Little Blue Pills of Honduras

Wherever large groups of men and testosterone congregate, there is sure to be a number of people trying profit off of the gathering. Most of the time the vendors try to sell beer, hot dogs or some other “manly” food item. Others who try to profit are the mariachi bands that wonder the streets from bar to bar, trying to find someone to pay them to play a tune. There is one vendor though that exudes testosterone/machismo: the turtle egg saleswoman.

Maria works hard for her kids. Her husband died 5 years ago. The police claimed he was trying to rob a convenience store, but Maria swears that he was murdered by the police. Either way, he is dead and she has three children that have to be fed. She tried several jobs, making tortillas, sweeping the streets, and even selling bags of water at the bus stop. Nothing she did was enough to cover the bills. Then one day she ran into an old neighbor, who was selling turtle eggs(protect in most of Central America, but like most things protect they are still widely available) at a bar in her neighborhood. He sold each man a small plastic cup with a turtle egg covered hot sauce. His business was doing so well and there was room to share, so he helped her start selling them. It has kept her kids fed ever since.

Every evening at 4pm, Maria readies her bucket, placing the various sauces, disposable cups and of course the turtle eggs in their place. She then starts her rounds, hiking from neighborhood bar to neighborhood bar trying to sell her wares. Selling turtle eggs in Honduras in kind of like selling Viagra in the United States, there will always be clients. This is because turtle eggs are rumored to be a miracle cure for male impotency (something I have been told is a lie/clear exaggeration).

Like any pharmaceutical rep Maria plays on a man's fears of impotence. Her dead husband has become the victim of her sales pitch, but as she says he is dead and cannot care. "My husband could barely keep it up and when he finally did he last more than a few minutes. One night he went to a bar and someone bought him a turtle egg. He came home roaring to go and 9 months later our first son was born. Turtle eggs gave me and my husband 12 children. Try it out and you will want to have one every night." Maria claims that those lies and a friendly smile have kept her business rolling. Maria dislikes though that she has become a woman that is talked about in every neighborhood she goes. Women who hang out in bars in Honduras are all relegated to the status of(or assumed to be) a prostitute. Yet, Maria is happy. Turtle eggs has kept her family in a home and well fed for the last four years, just like Viagra has kept the pharmaceutical reps in their sports cars.